Love potion no. 9: Pain and Joy

Have you ever loved someone so much that you feel like your body is going to explode into a million pieces?
It's like that for me with my grown children, and for my first love. Why?
Well, the mother connection is pretty understandable, I believe.
First love? It seems to me that once the heart is given fully in that way, it cannot happen again - until the birth of one's babies.
Fully exposing one's heart and soul takes a lot of opening, a lot of trust - that is so much easier for the young, before we know pain. After that first love leaves, or something causes the split, the heart closes back down to a more comfortable place, and opens just a smidgen now and again.

I wonder how it is for Enlightened beings. Are their hearts open all the time? Do they love everyone equally? I guess that's the goal. But, an open heart is a vulnerable one that can be broken easily.
The Buddha didn't talk of love. Jesus Christ did, and look what happened to him. I suppose he loved Judas. What was the pain of betrayal like? No - I don't want to know.

When I was with my son on Friday, I ached for him - for his struggles, and his desires. I felt that a knife was cutting my heart to bits, and I could hardly stand it.

When W met me at the airport, I felt joy that was so natural - like breathing.
I'm happy that he's happy - yet, how happy?
How would our lives have been if we'd stayed together all these years? It's a useless question, but one I can't help asking.

My life is good. I have no complaints.
I want to do good, be good, and make the rest of may days on this earth meaningful.
I care, and, sometimes, I love.